
As you know I was in Casper (wedding mode) last weekend, and Adam was so nice and had the house cleaned and grocery shopping done when I got home. It was a great surprise because wedding stuff can be pretty exhausting. I had no idea how tiring it would be trying all those dresses on! Some were so heavy, I couldn't imagine wearing them, especially if you wanted a summer wedding! I found a dress and it is perfect! It is exactly what I had in mind! I can't believe it. I still think I am in shock when I think about it!
It isn't that easy though. You see, that night we went back to the motel and after a couple strawberry lemoncello martinis, we were pooped! I fell right asleep, but it wasn't long when I woke up in a panic and I was up the rest of the night. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was a little after 4 a.m. and I felt sick. Mom woke up and asked me how I slept and I told her I didn't. I told her that I really don't want to have a wedding. She was very supportive and said all the right things that mom's just know how to say and let me cry and just held me. I think she knows now how I feel about a wedding. I was so glad that she was there to not only share the dress experience with me, but also as a support system. I am so grateful for her!
I have really been on the fence about how I feel, and went to Casper with an open mind and was hoping when I went, I would figure it out. I am confident now that I know just how I feel. I feel bad that I will be disappointing people, but I just know that a wedding is not for me. We will still have a ceremony and we will still have pictures and even a plan, but that is to come...I guess I feel a sense of relief now and am hoping family and friends understand we are not trying to exclude anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. This is a union of 2 people and we don't need a huge audience to profess our love and commitment to each other. I am lucky that Adam is supportive and he has told me that he will do whatever I want. He said he doesn't want me to regret my decision, so just to be sure of what I decide. He added that the main thing is that he wants me to be happy. I know I am very blessed and I couldnt' be happier than I am right now! I came to that Y in the road and I am certain now just which direction to head.