It's a new day!

What a difference a couple days can make! I don't even feel like the same girl I did a few days ago. I know we still have some big decisions to make in our near future, but as far as the wedding? Well, some things just really aren't that big of deal. Seeing some of the struggles and changes other people are going thru; it makes planning a wedding and all the stress I have been dealing with look pretty ridiculous really. The best thing is that things are just starting to fall into place. The chapel is booked, mom is working on a couple things and a plan for a reception is in the making, which again, is informal and perfect for us. We are starting to gather ideas and make some decisions and family that wasn't really giving me positive feedback has finally come around and been supportive. It is definitely a new day!!!

Really???

Wow, things are not going how I imagined at all. I have had the worst month or so and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I just keep disappointing people-one person at a time. I have been trying to stay strong, but I am completely overwhelmed.
Recently I was asked to be in a wedding and because of budget restraints I have decided to back out, which leaves a pit in my stomach. I really struggled with what to do and I am not sure how it will turn out which makes me a bit anxious but I am praying for their understanding and love.
As far as my wedding? I won't go into too many details, but I will say this. I could have the glamorous, big wedding most girls dream of, but that is not what I want. What I want is a small intimate ceremony with the people that are closest in our lives and even that has created problems. I can't make everyone happy and it feels like no matter what we decide, someone is upset. I really had no idea this was going to be so complicated and I can't imagine how it would be for me if I was having a big event.
It isn't just wedding drama either. Our lives have been challenging lately and we have had to find strength in each other. I know that Adam and I can get thru anything and that these moments in our lives just make us stronger and more prepared for challenges in the future. I know we are really the best support system for each other and I am so thankful for our relationship.
I am also very lucky to have two amazing Grandmothers who both have so much grace and knowledge. They both have given me some personal advice this past week that I am holding very close to my heart. One thing is always for sure and that is that Grammies know best.
I am trying to keep my head up and keep the focus on what is really important in life and also in regards to this situation. It will all work out how it is supposed to and we just have to leave the important stuff in God's hands. He will know what to do.

Hairstyle

Decided to change my original hairstyle of this:

To a more natural down do like this:

The location has been set!

It is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can actually plan my wedding and it is like the pieces are starting to fall together. We talked about location tonight and it just hit me-I know the perfect place! I pulled it up online and showed Adam and he was totally for it. A small ceremony for us in the mountains surrounded by the trees, near the lake! It has our names written all over it! I am finally getting excited!!!

Big Decisions

As you know I was in Casper (wedding mode) last weekend, and Adam was so nice and had the house cleaned and grocery shopping done when I got home. It was a great surprise because wedding stuff can be pretty exhausting. I had no idea how tiring it would be trying all those dresses on! Some were so heavy, I couldn't imagine wearing them, especially if you wanted a summer wedding! I found a dress and it is perfect! It is exactly what I had in mind! I can't believe it. I still think I am in shock when I think about it!

It isn't that easy though. You see, that night we went back to the motel and after a couple strawberry lemoncello martinis, we were pooped! I fell right asleep, but it wasn't long when I woke up in a panic and I was up the rest of the night. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was a little after 4 a.m. and I felt sick. Mom woke up and asked me how I slept and I told her I didn't. I told her that I really don't want to have a wedding. She was very supportive and said all the right things that mom's just know how to say and let me cry and just held me. I think she knows now how I feel about a wedding. I was so glad that she was there to not only share the dress experience with me, but also as a support system. I am so grateful for her!

I have really been on the fence about how I feel, and went to Casper with an open mind and was hoping when I went, I would figure it out. I am confident now that I know just how I feel. I feel bad that I will be disappointing people, but I just know that a wedding is not for me. We will still have a ceremony and we will still have pictures and even a plan, but that is to come...I guess I feel a sense of relief now and am hoping family and friends understand we are not trying to exclude anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. This is a union of 2 people and we don't need a huge audience to profess our love and commitment to each other. I am lucky that Adam is supportive and he has told me that he will do whatever I want. He said he doesn't want me to regret my decision, so just to be sure of what I decide. He added that the main thing is that he wants me to be happy. I know I am very blessed and I couldnt' be happier than I am right now! I came to that Y in the road and I am certain now just which direction to head.

Dress Up!

So in other wedding news, next weekend I have 2 appointments to go try on wedding dresses! Aaaah! There is also a wedding fair the next day that we will attend and maybe I can get some ideas or at least determine which direction I want to go as far as a wedding. Maybe seeing the dresses and checking out Hobby Lobby for ideas with my mama will get me on board with the planning. I guess if I leave feeling just as overwhelmed as I have been thus far, I will know it is time to sit down and make a new plan!

Fian-say

Fiance' is such a funny word. In fact, I don't think I have called Adam my fiance' once since we got engaged. I have had people call him my fiance' and I actually giggle underneath. What is it with this new title? I have a hard time determining if it is advertising you are getting ready to have a wedding or, if when you say it, people understand that it means I have found someone that wants to commit to me and be with me forever. If I had confirmation that they thought the latter, I wouldn't have such funny feelings. I guess I am going to make a pact that when I introduce him or talk about him from now on, I will call him my fiance' and I will take a moment after to just think about the true meaning of it and then maybe it will feel more comfortable!